Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Jerk Dance

OK, I admit it.  Sometimes I'm a jerk.

I'm willing to fess up because it's one of the things I don't like about myself and would like to change.  Now, don't get me wrong,  I'm not some mean spirited nasty human being.  Frankly, I think I'm just like almost everybody else, except that I'm getting tired of feeling bad about behaving like a jerk.

What exactly is a jerk?

Meaning: A dull stupid fatuous person

Which means someone lacking in liveliness or animation, not very bright, and devoid of intelligence.

Hmmmmm, how honest do I want to be?  I suppose that I do lack in liveliness and animation.  Most of the time I'm either writing or sewing, not particularly active pursuits, and physical exercise is not my thing, (hence, my thighs).

As for not being very bright, that applies as well.  For some reason since I've hit menopause, my response time is down.  I can hear you, but I'm not quite sure what you're saying.   Could be I'm so ancient that I'm expecting you to use terms like "thee" and "thou."  Oh, and if you use terms like "hecka" I have no idea what you're talking about.  Lately I've noticed  I'm not so quick on the uptake, and those clever quips don't formulate themselves as well as before. I used to be a 100 watt bulb but now I'm barely hanging onto 60. Dim?  I'd say so!

Devoid of intelligence, now that's a tough one.  I do have a lot of knowledge, most of it useless.  I can recognize many famous artists' work at a glance, figure out a fabric repeat, and even make dinner without using a recipe.  However, remembering where I put my keys and/or glasses is beyond me and I even had to look up the meaning of "jerk."  I'm not sure if I'm "devoid" but there's definitely a "void" and it's growing!

Synonyms: dork; jerk

Dork?  Yeah, I guess I could be considered a dork.  I know I dress like one, and the fact that I don't particularly care that I do probably doesn't help matters.

Hypernyms ("jerk" is a kind of...): misfit (someone unable to adapt to their circumstances)

Misfit?  Whoa, that's me in a nutshell!  I've never felt like I fit in anywhere and for years it was a problem.  Now I've reached the point where I don't care if I do or not, but I'm not sure if that's entirely a good thing.  Tends to make you a little anti-social, which doesn't help the jerk thing....

OK, so it looks like I'm a jerk and I'm not happy about it.  Of course I can blame a lot of it on menopause, (which is handy for that), but there's also always been a tendency in me to not suffer fools quietly.  For years I was too shy to speak up, but now I'm not, which isn't necessarily a good thing.  A big mouth on a menopausal woman is a scary thing and really should be outlawed.  We should at least have to wear some kind of sign or give some warning, this look might do:

I can't really point to a recent incident of "jerkiness" but I suspect I may be giving out an overall vibe.  I find myself getting snappy, and have lost what little patience I had before my son was born.  If anyone messes with me I have no problem telling them off and I'm beginning to avoid situations where I feel I might not be able to control myself.  My son's basketball games are minefields, especially since the coach's wife is videotaping the game and she sits nearby.  If the refs are terrible or someone fouls my son in an awful way, who knows what I'll do....and it will be on film!  Yikes!

So, number one on my list of New Year's resolutions is to scale back the jerkiness and start behaving like a non-menopausal woman for a change.  It doesn't help that I have a 13 year old, (at least he'll be 13 in February).  He's a very gifted child, mostly at getting me in a foul humor.  I also have my fabric stash calling my name, it's very persistent and is starting to get downright angry.  I'd better attend to it soon or it's going to get ugly around here.  I may just have to dance:

                    How to Do the Jerk Dance
                    Uploaded by Howcast

Nah, probably not a good idea. 

Happy Stitching!


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